Beck, I know you read my blog, because all the cool cats read it. I think you should come over and hang out for a couple days. You need a break from the hustle and bustle of fame, and your busy career. No one will know who you are out here in rural Oklahoma. You'd be hard pressed to find a citizen of my county under the age of seventy. Their world is still shaking from the crazy sound of that John Denver kid. Bruce Springsteen could bite them on the ass and they would press charges. Everyone would just think you were some hippie passing through.
Not sold? Here is a list of fun things we could do:
1. You can bring your kids and they can play with my kids. Your daughter and my oldest son are about the same age.
2. You and your family can pet baby goats, horses, and an old pregnant goat. You can also chase chickens and turkeys if you enjoy that kind of thing. My toddler seems to think it's a blast.
3. I can teach you some awesome new dance moves, and maybe you can teach me some of yours.
4. We can discuss why many Beck fans were not crazy about Midnite Vultures and why they are so WRONG.
5. I can make you a big homecooked meal. Are you a vegetarian? You look like a vegetarian. I'll make my famous vegetarian "badass burritos". If you're not a veggie, then you and my husband (he's a big carnivore) can grill steaks together.
6. We can invite your friends The Flaming Lips over for a bonfire. They live in Oklahoma too. (Bet ya'll didn't know the coolest band on the planet is from Oklahoma)
7. You can tune my guitar.
8. We can watch paternity tests on Maury.
9. I can help you with some new song lyrics. I came up with a hit called: "If You Throw it on the Floor, You Don't Get Any More" just last week. I'll offer my lyrical skills for free.
10. You can try to explain to me why Sonic Youth is sooo great. I just don't get it.
ummmmm........If that doesn't make you want to load up the fam and head to Oklahoma, then I don't know what will persuade you.
I even spent five minutes digging up a flattering picture of you on photobucket. See!